I usually avoid sentimentality but I am compelled to reflect today on the previous year. I have hit a huge milestone. 2 years bone marrow transplant anniversary is January 15. I checked into the hospital January 8, 2013 to have what was left of my own blood cells decimated and replaced with cells from a stranger. I was told of all the risks and complications of this intense and highly complex process. Death or permanent disability from GVHD and infections were the concerns. But I was sick enough and at risk for relapse that the transplant was necessary as a life saving and extending procedure. And just as a summary I had 3 full days of twice daily total body radiation where I was a passive participant as my body was moved from the hospital bed to a wheel chair and I was taken to some dark hole of the hospital where a physicist and radiologist along with multiple technicians propped me into place while a mild nuclear reaction was directed towards me for two hours. The next two days was almost continuous high dose chemotherapy liquids dripped into my central line. Due to the fatigue from the radiation I do not remember much other than the feeling of being absolutely wasted and mostly unresponsive. Day 6 was a day of rest while they waited for my neutrophils to drop and for my body to hit its nadir. Day 7 in an anticlimactic middle of the night transfusion I got new cells gifted to me from a 28 year old male and flown all the way from Germany.

As I approach this 2 year rebirth day I have been feeling very well. I have had more than my share of colds and I have the joint aches and pains that have become and will always be a part of me but I am working and taking my kids to activities and I exercise at least 4 days a week and I’m meeting goals that I never thought would be possible for me. I’ve increased the intensity of my workouts and I’m challenging my body with diet to be the best it can be. I might be somewhat overcompensating but my body betrayed me and now I am attempting to dominate. My time of being a disengaged and almost impassive patient is behind me.

We all got some kind of bad cold a couple months ago. Amira and I both tested negative for influenza via nasopharyngeal (aka brain) swab but it was a flu like cold in both intensity and duration. Everyone else is fine but I ended up back at the hospital with secondary infections including bronchitis and conjunctivitis. Since I have had life threatening C diff. Infections antibiotics are not given to me unless necessary. The new nurse practitioner got me started on eye drops, codeine cough medicine and enough antibiotics to cure the plague. Being the new NP she did not know that this particular antibiotics tears up my digestive system. And I forgot since it has been awhile. My tendency to forget ever being sick when I am well is mostly a good thing except in these cases.

So I spent 2 days feeling nauseous and puking before I remembered that I should prob not take that drug and I called for a different Rx. But I am thankful for those 2 days of being not well for a couple reasons. The constant, unrelenting feeling of nausea was a familiar feeling. I remember how I had nearly constant nausea for most of my treatment so for probably a year and a half? Of straight nausea. That could really mess with a person. I also became more confident in my body’s ability to heal. To be sick and then get better without the fear of all the horrid things that can happen to a body with compromised immunity. This time I was just sick enough to appreciate my wellness. And it was a reminder of how your life can change in just a moment. A couple words said to me by Dr. Lilly. Breast cancer. Leukemia. I had no idea at the time of the weight that these words held. I remember telling Jeffrey as we lay in bed in the dark that the doctor said its Leukemia but we don’t know and he could be wrong. I literally shrugged it off knowing that I would be fine. But we were both right. It was leukemia but I am doing fine.

Here is me being beastmode at the gym.



Posted on January 15, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. love that shirt

  2. So happy you are doing well. I have thought & worried about you since it had been so long since you posted you look beautiful and yes “look at all that hair”!!

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