My bones are breaking my heart
As my dad used to say, “it’s all over but the crying.” Two hospital visits in two days. This isn’t even close to being a record but I’m supposed to be getting better. I got x-rays, I got phone calls from doctors, I got fitted for an orthopedic boot, I got 3 prescriptions for pain pills and I cancelled our long anticipated trip to California for our friend’s wedding. I remember when the date was announced that I promised to be there as long as I was well enough. I’m not well enough.
I have a new fracture. That makes a total of 5 since transplant. This one comes with a boot provided by my orthopedic surgeon. This one is the most painful and most difficult to deal with so far because it’s on my ankle bone. The calcaneous bone. I cant put any weight on that foot. I need to be taken care of again. I was so close to getting back to normal. The doctor says we have to cancel the flight. She says I’m at high risk for blood clots and she wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I got on that plane. She is usually lenient and fair with what I’m allowed to do because she believes in preserving quality of life following transplant because she knows that we have to enjoy what we have for as long as we have it. My life, or anyone’s really, could be over with one tiny change in cell mutation. We have no control over this. I have to trust my doctor. We were able to transfer our tickets so I’m hoping for a winter trip to San Diego but it won’t make up for what we are missing out on this weekend.
Back at home I am resting with my foot propped and here I will stay for two weeks awaiting my next appointment with the orthopedic surgeon. I’m terrible at asking people to help me with things. I hate doing it. I just want to get up and do it myself but I can’t. I can’t drive, I can’t walk without crutches and exercise is out. I think this fracture has been there for awhile. Possibly as long as my other fractures. My ankle has been mysteriously swollen and sore for months. I haven’t kept it a secret from the doctors but no one has mentioned to x-ray it because I don’t think they knew what was wrong. I didn’t either because I went to work on my fractured ankle on Tuesday. Part-way into the day I realized that pain pills weren’t covering it and I should probably call. They got me in for an x-ray immediately.
As shitty as this all is I have been reminded several times that this time last year I was in ICU for a sepsis infection due to pancreatitis. I was very sick and possibly dying. I didn’t die although many people have told me that they thought I would. I had a breathing mask because I refused intubation and I was not physically able to sit up in bed or roll over. It could have been the end but I didn’t know it at the time. This is just an ankle. It is fixable. It’s part of the snowball of effects that have been occurring following the treatments that saved my life.
This past weekend was great for our family. Jeffrey took both kids to the Renaissance Festival. This is home. Sword fighting!
Here’s my new boot. It’s not nearly as hot as the Cole Haan riding boots I got for my birthday.
My big swollen fractured ankle: