I ate half a hamburger and fries at Cap City for lunch today and it was delicious. Progress! I almost lost it on the way home but I kept it together long enough to get down an ativan.
Today was lumbar puncture with intrathecal chemo day. Regular readers should know what that means but for those new to leukemia-ville that means that they stick a needle into my spine, drain some fluid and then inject poison into my central nervous system to kill off and prevent rogue cells from multiplying. It’s just as much fun as it sounds although some are more painful than others. I have a prescription for topical lidocaine that is put on before giving the numbing injection because that shot burns. Usually the LP goes without incident but sometimes the clinician hits a nerve and I get pain. That happened today. Pain down my leg and up my spine the whole time she was holding a needle in my back exchanging fluids. Jeffrey was on his lunch break (he curiously seems to need lunch right when I’m getting a procedure) and I just texted him, “Done, bring caffeine”. Before any of you call Jeffrey a big ole meanie for not holding my hand I have always excused him from the squeamish procedures and the really ugly stuff. I couldn’t save him from the scariness of ICU but we don’t need to be picking him up off the floor during one of my procedures. He does enough so if I can spare him that stress then I will.
The nurses asked me today if I’ve had a lumbar puncture before. I laughed a little and said, why yes, I had one just six days ago. I’ve lost count on how many really but I think I need a third hand to count them all. I opted for an unmedicated childbirth with Amira just so I could avoid that needle and yet now I face it regularly.
We are still on track for transplant. It is undecided if I will need more chemo between now and then. Even though I’ve had these chemo meds before this treatment was at much higher dosage. I was completely wiped out for a couple days. I slept all day and night barely waking when nurses and doctors came in. I also had no appetite at all. I lived off Boost Breeze Wild Berry. One of the food pushing nurses made me a milkshake but it had ensure in it and tasted like metal. She brought in a warmed brownie but it sat there untouched. Nutrition came in to take my order and I just said whatever cause I knew I wouldn’t eat it anyway. Usually there is something I can eat even if it’s just one thing. I ate 4 fried eggs a day once for a week and then once it was corn chips but at least I could eat something. This time? Blah!
The thing about getting better is that it doesn’t seem real because I know it’s going to get worse again. I’m just putting muscle back on and trying to get healthy for the next time I get really sick from chemo or side effects. I feel like after the transplant even though I will be very sick for a long time once I start to get better I actually have a chance of staying better and I may see forward progression instead of this back and forth stuff. Until then I don’t see a point to trying to have any kind of “normal”.