Why am I in the hospital? I feel fine!


I’m pretending my hospital room is a hotel and I’m away on a little mini-vacation. Never mind the tubes, wires and nurses who barge in with scary yellow fluid to inject into my veins. It’s mostly peaceful and I have almost endless back episodes of Gossip Girl on my iPad to keep me entertained. This time I was able to plan ahead for my visit and pack my own bags which means I have my favorite yoga pants and tank tops instead of whatever nightgowns Jeff thought would be appropriate for the hospital. I also drove him crazy with instructions for while I was gone even though he has managed to take care of the house and kids just fine in the past. For the first time I walked up to my room on the 8th floor from admitting instead of being wheeled up in a morphine haze from emergency.

I am here for a 4 day series of chemo that requires an inpatient stay to monitor blood and urine. The doctor called us earlier in the week with the news that my transplant has been delayed and I need chemo to keep the leukemia away while we wait. Jeff and I just shrug and say, okay. At this point we just do as we’re told to get me better and we don’t think about possible consequences because it’s out of our control. We take one day at a time. It’s such a cliche but the only way we are surviving. Today I feel good and Jeff got the kids to the sitter and got to work. So far a success!

The doctor actually called and then emailed about the chemo while we were at Jeff’s dad’s memorial service. She hadn’t heard the news yet. I’m not going to discuss what it feels like to watch someone die from a very similar disease to what I have because I’m sure people can imagine. I won’t linger on my daughter who sobbed for the entire service. My husband is exhausted from caring for me, the kids and his mom and dad but we will recover. But I will talk about how loved Dave was. He was deeply loved in all ways by all 4 of his children, his wife and all of his grandchildren. The community turned out in large numbers to show their love and support for Dave and his family. Even though he did not attend church services the church’s women’s group provided food for the whole family after the service. My kids were momentarily comforted by pie and cake. They have had some questions here and there as expected. Some of the questions involve me because they know we both have leukemia. We assure them that my cancer is currently gone and the treatments are working and the doctors are doing what they can do to make sure it doesn’t come back. Then they go back to their Tv show or video game content with our answer.

The tentative date for admission for the transplant is January 8th. They had to schedule around the donors wishes and the holiday. I actually have two potential donors but they picked the best one.

I’m looking forward to a restful quiet day. Lunch is teriyaki salmon from the kitchen. It’s risky, I know, but they can always bring me a sandwich if it’s horrid. I’m having a lumbar puncture with intrathecal chemo after lunch and then Im taking meds and a nap. A friend is taking the kids for an over-nighter so that Jeff and I can have date night at the hospital tonight. Yay!

Posted on November 30, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Well you have certainly mastered the art of letting go. I’m really glad you and Jeff will have some time to yourselves tonight. ❤

  2. I continue to think of you and your family Lauren. I can only imagine how difficult different stages of the road have and will continue to be for you. I’m glad you were able to pack your own bags, enter on your own, and arrange a date night-yippee!

  3. You look quite glamorous in front of the James Christmas lights. Rest my friend because we look forward to your recovery after the transplant. Everyone at the dale(Santa) has embraced the holiday spirit for you and your family.

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