Saturday night CT scan
It’s Saturday night at around 10:30 and I’m waiting for transport to take me for an abdominal CT scan. Obviously, I need a CT scan in the middle of the night because I have a stomach ache. This is the normal course of action when you ask for pain medication during the neutropenic phase. New pain could mean new problem to solve. The doctor wants to rule out C.Diff. or other infection since I’m at increased risk. I’m pretty sure that it’s something gastrointestinal from Friday night’s vomiting episodes. It feels like a sharp pain right at my lower esophageal sphincter like there was acid damage from the vomiting. The pain is bad enough to ask for meds so of course they have to image it to rule out something terribly horribly wrong.
A CT scan does mean that I’ll need to have contrast dye injected via IV and I’ll also have to drink contrast to coat the GI tract. I have been able to use my central line for blood draws and injectables but they can’t inject contrast with my line so I had to get an IV put in my pitiful veins. My regular nurse tried once but when the vein blew she decided to call in the big guns right away. I’ve had this dude before. He is the vein master but he even recognized me and seemed to lose confidence. My poor left arm is trashed from all the sticks and I have a pretty pink lymphodema alert bracelet on my right arm so he wouldn’t dare touch it. He’s a big teddy bear of a guy and commented that he would expect to be able to see more veins since I’m so thin. Poor dude had two failed attempts one of which left me in tears. He wanted to quit but I wanted it over with. One more try in my sweet spot and he got it. Now I’m all set for the CT scan that will likely occur sometime in the middle of the night.
It has been more and more difficult to find moments of peace and normalcy here at the hospital. I’m trying to stick with my routines and do the things that make me feel like a normal person but it’s harder and harder. I had a break down after this IV incident because it just sucks and I’m frustrated. I’m so happy that Jeffrey has the flexibility to stay the night here now since my dad is visiting to help out. I’m also thankful that Jeffrey gets me and doesn’t try to give me a pep talk or make it better when I’m sad. I don’t need a cheerleader, I just need to be sad sometimes and he lets me. I did get to see the kids today. The visits have been kept short because they can’t handle too long of a time in the hospital room and I get tired too. Today I fixed Amira’s hair and she brought in her new spiderman nail polish collection and we did our nails. I got to oooh and aaah over her first lost tooth. I acted excited about the tooth fairy even though I was sad that it wasn’t me. I do think it’s special that Grandpa Carter got to be the tooth fairy.
Xander worked on some of his writing and also played me in dominoes. He likes strategy games but even without chemo brain I can’t keep up with him so we keep it simple. It’s hard to get the kids in to see me during the week because of driving and the schedule. We’ve been doing facetime in the evenings which they think it great and I also gave them journals to write down or draw pictures of all their fun adventures. Overall, I think the kids are doing really well considering everything. They just take each day as it comes and adapt. I told Xander that I was sorry that mommy is sick again this summer. He said, “eh, it’s okay, that’s just how summer goes.” Really hoping we can break this trend soon.
Spiderman nail polish collection:
Matching hats made by Victoria: