Fatigue study and new job

You know how you don’t really realize how bad you were feeling until you start to feel better? That’s where I am right now. Better for sure but still not back. I can tolerate some amount of activity every day but then I’m exhausted. I am entered into the OSU yoga study now. I passed the screening appointment. The study is to examine the effect of yoga on fatigue and stress post breast cancer. I don’t know if I got in the control group or yoga group yet. The appointment today was at OSU Medical Center. I took the kids to daycare and headed straight up even though I was going to be early. Of course, even though Amira has been doing great at daycare she screamed and cried when I dropped her off. It has been daddy or grandpa dropping her off so far and I guess she couldn’t handle saying goodbye to mommy. I figured I’d stop at a cafe and get a coffee with the extra time but then I was stuck in traffic for 40 minutes. And then there was construction on campus that got me turned around. Once I got there they asked me about my stress level. I said, “not so good lately”. I met with a researcher, a nurse and a yoga instructor. The researcher took medical and demographic information, the nurse took vitals, weight and body measurements and the yoga instructor had me try 4 moves to gauge flexibility. They were very easy even for me in this state. They told me that most of the patients are older but they do have a few young people.

I can’t believe I originally thought I could start work this week. If it was an already established job and if I could start back slowly without taking on a full caseload then I think I could have but I’m glad I decided to take the full 6 weeks. I’m not only starting a new job but it’s a new career. And even though I’ve been going to school to do this job for 4.5 years I have a confession.

I have no idea what I’m doing.

I’m anticipating a rough start to the job since I will be behind going in. Add to that the fact that this is the first full time job I’ve had in over 8 years. This family has some adjusting to do. It’s definitely been a big year for changes.

One of the things I’m nervous about is how I will adjust to being back in the real world. I’ve been a cancer caregiver and a cancer patient for  months now. How do I go from this to just being normal? I guess it’s just like how I did the rest of this summer. Just keep moving forward. Once I get past the transition it will be nice not to talk or think about cancer all the time. But, it’s like it’s become a part of me and I fear that it will never go away.


Posted on September 14, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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